"Date Who You Want But STFU About Black Women."
It's been some disturbing talk in recent headlines referring to black women. We heard 50 cent speak candidly about why he prefers "exotic" women versus black women during a interview with rapper Lil Wayne. His statement was as quoted:
“They get mad. They get angry. You see it a lot of sisters go ‘you fck with this kind of girl and that kind of girl?’ That sht is exotic! That sht looks a lot different than the sht in the neighborhood all of the time. That sh*t looks like it came off a boat.”
Unfortunately the ball doesn't stop with 50 cent because what also made headlines was ex-NFL player Kyle Queiro tweets about Jill Scott not being sexually attractive; and his tweets when as such:
“People are attracted to JILL SCOTT!?” Queiro actually printed, emphasizing her name in all-caps. “So it’s an energy thing. Got it. & by no means she is ugly. But y’all really sexually aroused by her huh?”
Of course I can be transparent enough to say that seeing these remarks as a black woman didn't feel the best. Yes, as an individual you have every right to have a preference on what you like however it doesn't have to diminish another group of people in the process. As the saying goes "Date Who You Want But STFU About Black Women". Black women as a whole have the struggles of being a woman and the struggles of being black. We aren't asking for Black men to pledge their loyalty to us by only dating us but at the least of it be respectful. Be respectful of the fact that we're your mothers, daughters, sisters, grandmothers, nieces and aunts. Value our worth of what we contribute to this world and our community by viewing us past an arm trophy and a sex object. We get that enough from non black counterparts so we definitely don't expect it from our own Black men.
Black women constantly battle the representation of us through the worlds eyes on being the "angry black woman"and the "bitter black woman". From the colorism and featurism that we deal with if we aren't light enough or don't have the curly hair with pretty eyes; to how educated with have to sound and be to be taken seriously in this society. We're facing a war on making more beautiful black babies because we're dying on the birthing table due to our lives not being deemed valuable. So it's no wonder we feel unprotected in this world. I mean honestly, how can we when the very men from our community speak so loosely in regards to our worth.
It's amazing to me to see how Black men can speak so openly without hesitation about the distaste of Black women more than they rally behind our injustice. I don't see have as many men posting about the death of Breonna Taylor like I saw for George Floyd and my question is why is that? Now I kind of have some inkling of how we as a race are so heavily conditioned through the years of oppression that we all carry the vices of what that did to us; but I need Black men to start thinking about the way they speak on Black women to the public eye. I need them [black men] to realize how some of their verbiage perpetuates how the world likes to view us and how it makes us feel unprotected and alone.
In 2017 Cleveland's News 5 reported a CDC report about the disproportionate affect on the death of Black women at the hands of homicide.
"While homicide is a leading cause of death for all women under 44, the CDC found non-Hispanic black women are “disproportionately affected” when compared to other racial groups in the United States."
It follows up with how most of the time black women are victims by the hands of intimate partners or lovers, which says a lot to me. Or in 2019 how the Montgomery Advertiser reported how Black women missing cases often go unsolved or under-reported.
"Although black women make up less than 7% of the U.S. population, they represent about 10% of all missing persons cases throughout the country. Estimates by the Black and Missing Foundation put the total number of disappeared black women and girls at 64,000."
I say all of this to say that it's so much going on against the thriving of Black women that the last thing we need is our Black men to devalue us more than we're already are. So Black men if you aren't going to contribute to challenging the system so we can change the narrative then once again I shall say.. "STFU ABOUT BLACK WOMEN.
With that being said I want my Black women to allow those Black men who aren't for us remain that way. If they don't see us pass the stereotypes then maybe they will never see us or simply put... don't want to see us. And guess what? That's okay too. I'm no longer groveling for the acceptance of anyone who doesn't want to accept me. I don't need to persuade you of who I am and why I should have a seat at YOUR table but rather build my own. So though it pains us to hear the transgressions of how some Black men devalue us it also makes me realize that I don't need them to value us as long as we keep building and valuing ourselves and each other. I'll keep posting Breonna and saying the Sandra's name and all the rest of Black women who slips through the cracks. I'm no longer going to use my energy towards the people who don't value you us but I'll make it my business to keep making noise and make our voice to wear if they don't want to see us they definitely will hear us. I'll do my part to defend Black Womanhood so that my daughter doesn't have to feel like she's in a society where she's invisible.