This month I want to focus on using my voice to grow. I’m tapping into more of my own inner resources (qualities I naturally possess) to give my energy to the qualities that I lack or could use more improvement towards. If you’re reading this and this is your first time here on Bella Minded…Let me reintroduce myself…My name is Melissa R TO THE E.. Okay Melissa Renee. And one thing I love to do is use my voice; hence why I have a whole Personal Lifestyle Publication!
Whether I’m writing or speaking, it’s not often I’m without words unless I choose to be quiet. (Something I’m practicing and getting better acquainted with; awkward silence as peaceful, reflective silence) It’s innate that I’ve always been one to express myself whether it’s creatively and or vocally; however, I see where in a lot of areas I suppress my voice. In suppressing my voice I lose myself; which stunts my growth and my confidence. Even as I’m sitting here I’ve been questioning myself: “How can I be more impactful?” “How can I leave my mark on this Earth?” “How can I be seen?”
The answer that keeps popping inside of my head is “USE YOUR VOICE, THAT’S YOUR POWER!”
I realize that by not communicating or expressing myself I’m also not showing up for myself; and this is definitely the season for me to Show Up For Myself. Too often I’ve silenced my voice; and when I say voice I mean my values, my ideas, my individuality. I struggle with the negative thoughts other people may have of me or perceive me to be. But I’m realizing more and more that I cannot control other people’s view of me. It’s been times where I’ve poured more into others than I’ve poured into myself, and I wonder why I’m discontent with the results of my life.
So here I am now ready to SHOW UP FOR ME and be okay with whoever doesn’t like what showing up for me looks like. I gave this much thought on what showing up for me looks and feels like, mainly because it’s my journal prompts for the Full Moon in Sagittarius. HOW DO I SHOW UP FOR ME?:
SPEAKING MY TRUTH
As previously stated above, I’m putting my focus into using my voice to empower myself. I feed off of energy and if you know anything about the seven chakras that are often mentioned, then you know about the sixth chakra known as the throat chakra. This chakra is the energy source that’s located in the back of our neck and influences the way we communicate.
Am I clear, confident and effective when I communicate or express myself to others; and even myself? I’ve had issues where I couldn’t translate the thoughts from my head through my speech clearly. It used to get me so frustrated when someone didn’t understand what I meant; when in reality I was frustrated with myself.
I couldn’t translate my thought to my speech clearly, because the thought wasn’t clear from the start. I was too in my head, overthinking and worrying about if others were going to understand or judge me for my ideas or my feelings. I couldn’t express it because I didn’t have the confidence in what I was thinking, which trickled down to not having confidence in what I was saying.
It’s now time for me to get out of my head and show up! I have to take time and patience to think my thoughts and ideas through. This is what I call processing my feelings, thoughts and ideas. I can no longer worry myself on how others will accept how I feel or think. I have to be okay with not getting the response that I want. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea for one reason or another; and I can’t lean on that excuse to suppress my voice or ; how I express myself. Everyone just isn't going to be impressed; And that's okay. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there and I’ll make sure I’m open and receptive to what they have to say.
My power is honoring my feelings and expressing who I am; whether it’s through talking, writing, singing or dancing. So I’m showing up in my Med School Voice “I’m Dancing and Emphasizing”.
EXPRESSING MY FEMININITY
Hi! My name is Melissa and my favorite color is…. PINK! There I said it! As cliché as the color pink is to be a girl's favorite color, is one of the reasons why I wasn’t proud that it was my favorite color.
Especially being a black little girl, we all know purple was the chosen color; well at least where I came up. I know you might be asking yourself what does this have to do with expressing my femininity but it has a lot to do with it.
The color pink became the unofficial official color for girls because it represents femininity. The mood pink gives is soft, nurturing, innocence (rose, mauve, pastel etc.); but it can also give romance, passion, and love ( hot pink, fuchsia, neon etc.) I’ve always naturally gravitated to the color pink, hence why you even see hints of it in my brand Bella Minded. I felt as though pink was so surfaced and cliché to like as a color, I think symbolically I was rejecting my girliness, my softness. I didn’t like to be viewed as weak, naïve, or sensitive because I like being a girl; and yes I felt that way because of the way I was raised.
I was told as a little girl I was too sensitive, too emotional, too eager to be liked and accepted. I do admit I was too sensitive and emotional but it was because I’m a natural empath. I felt other people's energy that surrounded me rather easily(soft). So because I didn’t know how to channel it, I took on the feelings as though they were mine. I was eager to be liked and accepted because I always wanted to make sure people were comfortable around me (nurturer) but I never took the time to understand if they were actually people I liked.
I’ve soon made the self realization that my femininity is my strength because it’s the core of me. It’s what comes to me naturally so when I tried to suppress it rather than express it, it was difficult to show up for myself. I became angry and resentful and lost the fun-loving, soft nature soul that showed up for me while I was abandoning it. My femininity is what helps drive my self esteem, my confidence, because it’s where I feel truly authentic. And when you show up in your authenticity is where you’re bound to be bold and confident.
I’m really big about sensuality (hence why I sell candles) and my femininity plays a major role in me being sensual. My sense of touch, smell, taste, sight and sound play hand in hand with my femininity and heightens my vibrations. From the aromas I make for my candles, the way I’m held by my husband, the taste of a nice red wine, the moodiness of the photos I take and the rhythms of the music I listen too. All of these things allow me to express my femininity with confidence and creativity.
So instead of rejecting or suppressing my love for the color pink because I believe it revealed the things about me I was embarrassed of; I’ll show up! I will embrace femininity within myself and express it. I may not be your cup of tea if you believe my sensuality and femininity is attention seeking or cliché or inappropriate. However I LOVE...(In the voice of Eric Benet) "FEM MA NIN NITY"
GOING FOR WHAT I WANT!
So often I’ve put what I want on the back burner and it was because of me. I can justify it by saying I had children and I have to take care of my family but speaking truthfully… I was scared. Although I am someone who’s ready to support others where I can, I can admit that I used that as a way to not show up for myself. Was it because I was scared of risk? Failure? Expectations? YEP! All the above!
I had to ask myself “What is life without adventure and taking risks?” I could play it safe for the rest of my life but how content would I have been? I put that on me because I allowed other people’s projections of their fears to steer me away from going for what I wanted in life. Of course our family and friends have concerns and want the best but sometimes it comes by way of their own insecurities. It’s up to us to use our spirit of discernment to know when to eat the fish and throw out the bones. In other words … “Let it fly if it doesn't apply”.
I’ve wasted too much time straddling the fence and if I want to see Bella Minded grow and expand I have to be clear and direct about what I want and go after it. I have to apply the Law Of Detachment (I speak more about law of detachment) when stepping out of my comfort zone and going after what I want; because the results might not always look the way I envisioned.
I have to be enthused and flexible with the adventures that taking risks comes with and it’s not worrying about the “what ifs”. Showing up for me is the goal and once I’ve done that, I have to let go of the wheel and let the Universe take it from there. “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL”.
This full moon in Sagittarius is telling me to use my voice to be bold, explore and make sure it’s rooted in the love for me and showing up for me. Are you showing up for yourself? If not, what’s preventing you from showing up for yourself? If you are showing up for yourself, share with me in what ways?