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Worry Bout Yo'self: "I'm The Unladylike Diva"

Updated: Jan 20

I recently wrote a post on my Facebook page where I've come to the conclusion that I'm a loud, country and ghetto girl and I've accepted it. Quite frankly, I love it. As much as my post gave everyone a good laugh of my reality, when my mother commented and responded that she didn't raise me that way ( as if I didn't inherited it) I began to think. It raised a question in my mind to ask "why is being loud so uncouth?" I mean, she could have possibly been speaking on my reference to being country and ghetto too but realistically ghetto is always associated with anything 'uncouth' and loud is a characteristic that sits indistinguishably close to ghetto. My country probably could be seen as that old southern belle charm if my loudness was non existent, however it's all me and it's not going to change. (In the words of Mia X "Unladylike Diva lyrical man eater".)

So rather than change it I'll just embrace it but I still sit with the question of it being seen in such a negative light. To be honest I don't feel like I'm just irritably loud at all but I could be bias (shoulder shrug). Although, I've never heard anyone associate my being loud to my volume and pitch but more so to my outspoken nature and to bring it on home, I've mostly heard it from men. I remember a time when I was in college I even had a guy to tell me that I'd probably never get married because of my mouth and if I did he'd probably beat me. Yep, I guess I was supposed to get that good ol' "You told Harpo to me beat me" lashing for having a mouth and using it.

Listen, I'm nothing less but subtle about saying what's on my mind but it doesn't take away from my femininity. I still display an intimacy with my partner in a way that shows my vulnerability but I don't have to display that for every man in the streets. That's a privilege, that's a specialty that I feel like every man doesn't sit in the honor of witnessing, but for some reason a lot of men feel like they do. Men want to see every woman in the light of being soft, delicate and fragile even though they don't have the right; or earned it.

I'm sure Offset doesn't see Cardi B in the same light as the public. Yes, he indeed gets her WAP but I'm sure it's in such a way a lot of men can't see her and don't have the right to. She's a woman and even though she has the right to be as direct as she wants to be, in celebrating how wet her pussy is, it doesn't define her to say she isn't submissive and gentle with her man. Why is it okay for men to speak their mind but when a woman does she's immediately classified as vulgar, ghetto, loud and unladylike?

What is unladylike? Well, I know what it is but who defined what it means to be a lady? Was it actually a lady? Or was it men projecting their insecurities on to what they want their lady to be so they can manage their ego; that trips when it becomes challenged. It's not to say that it's anything wrong with a woman who comes off more reserve and meek but is it because of the stereotypes of what "good women" act like or is it just them? Now granted I don't want anyone to get from this that quiet, reserve women are weak because they aren't outspoken because that isn't true at all. In fact, I honestly believe people who are quiet are much more calculated and strategic...deadly if you ask me; but I digress. The point to me is just like a woman who reserves the right to be mild mannered and not have to be stereotyped in a negative light, I don't think a woman who openly speaks her mind should either.

Women shouldn't be subjected to altering who we are to fit in societies labels of what is deemed a desirable or "good" woman. I shouldn't have to display my femininity in a way that makes men comfortable just because they're intimidated by a woman who challenges their thoughts, ideologies, beliefs and emotions. When all the while, men can speak on what deems a woman exotic, desirable, and ladylike; and the most troubling thing is you have women who subscribe to it. I can't put all the blame on men because there are women out here who perpetuate the idea that women who are outspoken are rude, loud, and ghetto.

You know the women who give you the "omg" side eye when you say something as if you can't see them. Or the "did she really say that" facial expressions paired with the "here she goes" eye roll. Yep, you know who you are and if I didn't love my black women I wouldn't say it but we have to understand when we help perpetuate these stigmas we're actually holding us all back. We have to be mindful that we're a tribe and though we aren't monolithic we are affected the same way.

As for us "Loud Ladies" keep being outspoken and saying what's on your mind. I mean, of course you always want to do it in a way where it doesn't deviate away from the message but don't start to become apprehensive about it. Most likely you're saying things that most women are feeling and thinking but might not have the confidence to do so. Don't allow anyone, men and/or women, to silence you because you challenge emotions and thoughts that make people uncomfortable. Sometimes we need those uncomfortable conversations that tends to be avoided at all cost. Don't feel ashamed or allow people to try to take away from the qualities you possess as a woman. Yes, you're still sexy, soft, delicate, feminine and alluring if I'm to say the least. Yes you're still the epitome of what it means to be a woman but you're not willing to stay in a place that wasn't design to let you express your many layers.

Don't feel so eager that you have to prove to these men about what you posses by "putting on airs". If they aren't willing to take the time to invest in you to see those vulnerable intimate moments then fuck em'. They're not for you anyway. They're better off staying in the shallow surface and getting the easy fish rather than the pearl in the oyster at the bottom of the ocean. Now, how many people do you know with real pearls.

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