IMO: "Self Love Ensures Healthier Relationships"

Updated: Oct 24

Twenty two years ago… in my room listening to the oh so smooth croons of the late 90’s and early 00’s…singing the words to Avant and Keke Wyatt’s ‘My First Love’. You couldn’t tell us we didn’t understand every single word we were singing. We swore we knew something about love back then, even though I hadn’t really experienced my first puppy love yet (and never would... puppy love that is). I can’t speak for anyone else, but I was a helpless romantic in those days. Yes, I said HELPLESS because I was struggling heavily with my self-esteem during this era. I needed help to understand that love came from me first before I could truly experience love from someone else. Had I known that the focus during my teenage years, into my early twenties,  should've been falling in love with myself; I could’ve prevented many dead ends. 

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I honestly would’ve loved to be able to say my first love was me, however, in this society you’re conditioned to believe that you aren’t complete unless you find love in someone else. We think that the love we get from others is going to be fulfilling but are quickly disappointed when we realize that it’s not enough. We are the source to the love we give and receive and; through our love for self we can assure finding love with others. 

“You can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself”, says every life coach, therapist, and motivational speaker. I know hearing something over and over and over can become redundant and lose its sense of value, but it’s true. Being your first love ensures healthier relationships with people because you know your worth and what you deserve. These are some ways of how finally loving myself helped me have healthier relationships:

PATIENCE

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Since learning not to be so hard on myself and realizing that I’m human; it allows me to share those same sentiments with other people in my life. I have a higher tolerance to understanding that we all have our issues and grow at different levels. Having that understanding I’m not so quick to judge the people in my life and I can give space to be empathetic, compassionate and patient. In return I believe that people have more patience with me and my transgressions in my

BETTER COMMUNICATION

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Loving myself first helped me see how important communication is with myself and others. We all want to be heard and understood, and when we feel misunderstood it allows room for hurt and resentment. When you love yourself first you find the importance of honoring your truth and speaking up for yourself and life into yourself. This energy transfers into the way you communicate with people you have relationships with, promoting healthier communications and a healthier relationship. You become a better listener and receptive to understanding ways you could improve to be a better partner, friend, parent etc.

STANDARDS

Loving yourself elevates your self esteem and with you gaining high self esteem you establish a  certain level of standards for yourself. Having a level of standards helps ensure healthy relationships because you set boundaries for yourself and the people that you have relationships with. When you embody self love you know your self worth. You’ll find yourself holding yourself to a level of standards because you know what you’re capable of. You aren’t going to settle for the bare minimum from yourself, let alone from someone else. Self love promotes creating boundaries and a level of respect; and that’s what you’ll attract in your relationships. When people see that you’re going to hold them to a certain level of standards they’ll either be obliged to meet or quietly fade away. If you don’t accept the bullshit with yourself then you definitely aren’t going to accept it with anyone else.

NON JUDGEMENTAL 


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Loving you first allows you to see people past their hang ups because you’re able to relate. You’re conscious of where you were because that’s what helped you to become who you are. Typically when you judge others life, actions and flaws it’s your own projection from your own insecurities. When we feel judged, we typically shut down. So when you allow people to make mistakes and not judge them for it, you allow them to open up more. When we judge and become hard on ourselves I tend to feel as though we transfer that mentality on others. Because you don’t want to be judged for dating multiple people you turn your nose up at people who openly date multiple people. When you love yourself you don’t focus on the validation of others and you promote that within your relationships. You make others feel open to express their feelings without labeling them or defining them based on their mistakes. Or based on living their life differently.

Our lack of self love puts a lot of weight on the people in our lives which can get in the way of how we process our emotions, communicate and our energy who give off into the world. When we’re self filled we tend to spread that fulfillment in every aspect of our lives when building relationships or rapports with others. When we heal we heal others. When we are loved we can love others. We can promote a healthier life through our relationships.

Watch my vlog on "What The Relationship Podcasts Don't Tell You"


With XOXO,
Melissa Renee

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