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TBT NOTE TO SELF: Virginity, Love Then Sex

I decided to bring it back to this topic since we're having all this energy surrounding Summer Walker and her "so called" baby daddy bash album. Or the blow up in regards to DaBaby and Dani Leigh; and let's not forget episode 3 of Insecure's season 5 with Condola and Lawrence with the struggles of co parenting. When it all comes down to it; we forget that we find ourselves in these stressful situations because of sex.

I remember as a young girl my mother never really telling me about the so called "Birds and the Bees". I didn't have an actual conversation about sex with my mother. I was only told that "I bet not bring her home no grandchildren"; "Wait until I'm married" or "sex is overrated". That's the just of it and I can't possibly be the only one who's heard this. So I kind of had to figure it out on my own; whether it was through the experience of having sex or through the experience of others having sex.

And no we are not talking about the birds and the bees😄
My daughter Harmony and I.

Now I'm here 36 years old and dhdhfufhfufu sex partners later, (That ain't none of y'all business) with my post telling me that none of those things with my mother prepared me to be ready to indulge in the act of sex. So, now the question poses to ask.. when is the right time to have sex? WHEN YOU'RE READY....aht aht, definitely not when you're ready because what 16, 18, 21 year old young lady knows when she's truly ready? That's like telling someone "Be You" when they have no earthly idea who they are. So what's being ready? Being legally old enough? Being morally responsible and waiting until your married? Or is it being sexually liberated enough to know who you are, love who you are, and know what you want?

I remember growing up as a teenage girl, huddled around my peers on the bleachers of the gym hearing young girls saying how they don't feel comfortable unless they have a shirt on, the lights off, or covering their face for the initial thrust of entrance when he enters her legs like the opening of a gated community. I've been apart of conversations as a young 21 year old not knowing about where my G-Spot was. I lost my virginity when I was 19 but didn't have my first orgasm until I was 21 and it wasn't with same person that I lost my virginity to.

I say all of this to show how your age, your morals and even if you're well informed doesn't qualify you to be ready to have sex. I'm a grown woman and I'm just now starting to admire my body naked from head to toe. How often do you just stare and admire your body in the mirror without critiquing but just in admiration? How often do you masturbate for the purpose of exploring your body to know what you like or don't like? What makes you moist , what turns you on? If you're getting uncomfortable just reading this then I can tell you now... sis you still ain't ready to have sex.

It's not to say that I'm the epitome of sexual liberation because I'm far from it, but. that is my goal. However, if I could speak to my younger self about sex I'd say:

Do it when you're ready. And you'll know when you're ready when you start to know and love yourself. You'll know when you can admire your femininity and woman hood through a reflection. You'll know when you know what makes you warm within the confines of your legs. You'll know when you don't mind if the lights are on or off. You'll know when you encourage looking at yourself while you make every grown, moan, lip bit and eye roll. You'll know when touching yourself is a form of expression and exploration. You'll know when you don't confuse or use your sex with love or having someone to love you. You'll know when you don't hide from who you are. When you're not ashamed or guilty. When you don't need validation or justification.

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