When I Realized I Wasn't in My Feminine Energy…” Letting Go of Resistance to Embrace Flow, Balance, and Truth"

Hey Sis, Lately, I've been reflecting on the resistance I’ve faced — in my business, my home, my marriage, and even within myself. It took time (and tears) to realize that I hadn’t been operating in my feminine energy… and everything around me was reflecting that imbalance.

I’m three plus years in really pushing to shift Bella Minded into what I know it can be. I’m being consistent, showing up, constantly posting but I feel like I’m in the same place. I tried to change up branding my content on social media but truthfully the aesthetics isn’t what calls the people to you, it’s the heart of what you do.

On top of that I’m changing and evolving as a person and that wasn’t the greatest transition period for my marriage. Where I’m believing I’m the same person just growing, my husband is like “Harpo, who dis woman?!” And I’m steadily trying to explain and prove that my change is for the betterment of him and I, and the core of who I am still exists. To impact matters more, I’m dealing with the growing pains of raising children. As I previously shared in my last letter, Mothering Through The Mayhem, I was going through the resistance of my oldest, their mental health, and addiction. It felt like non-stop chaos and me spreading myself from one end to the next. It seemed like whenever I managed to get it all flowing cohesively here comes King Kong to smash it all down. I started feeling exhausted and my physical health was steadily declining.

Now I’m getting sick every two to three months. I’m falling behind on my house work, working out, and intimate time with my husband. So I decided to hire Tayler, a coach, after seeing a few of her videos on being the “I Am”  and manifesting, I thought this was the answer to all my prayers and it was but not in the way I was expecting. I remember she told me, “Melissa, you don’t have difficulty in doing the work but I need you to connect with the work you do” For the life of me I couldn’t understand it, I wasn’t getting it. 

It was even hard for me to manifest and visualize. I couldn’t connect the feeling and passion with what I was doing to the actual work anymore. I just didn’t have the answers or solution. I felt a block, a wall, when it came to feeling the passion and excitement in what I was doing. But I didn’t know how to knock down that wall or unblock it. So I just kept on pushing, tugging, pulling, doing, and striving; with the intention that hopefully something will click. But in the meantime I was becoming more and more depleted and weighed down.

I was operating from this place, as I reflected back to my upbringing, due to black women in my family expected to have a level of independence and control in their life. Because if you didn’t then you’d hear about the cautionary tales of women in our family who were at the will of men who treated them unworthy. And that was viewed as being weak or weak minded. You couldn’t romanticize your femininity in a way that showed your softness and vulnerability. Submissiveness was frowned upon and control was viewed as power. I took that same mindset and pursued building my brand in a way that I had to prove myself. Prove that my dreams will amount to success despite the side talks of me just being a stay at home mother. Prove that my vision and my journey into my spirituality isn’t a fluke or something I’m not going to stick to but it was real. I was still trying to prove my worth through my actions and what I do.

I just wanted to have a happy peaceful home while pursuing the dreams and aspirations in my life. However, it’s the adversity of your children going through growing pains, your spouse is seeing your change and questioning it’s intentions while going through his change, and you’re just trying to elevate and do what you’ve been called upon to do. But it feels like you’re pulling one way and your home life is pulling in so many other directions. The heart is where the home is, but lately I was feeling like my heart was spent and tired and my home started to become this exhausting playground of ringing around the rosy. I felt like I was a hamster on a hamster wheel going in circles and I thought that if I could just balance it all by being everything I needed to be for everybody then all is well, right.

I didn’t want to stop spinning around that wheel, though. I thought for sure I would see some type of forward progression somewhere. Plus, there was so much to do and the time I’m having a “pity party” or “giving up” by taking a break or stepping back from certain situations was time that I was wasting. The only way I felt I could make a difference or see some changes is by getting up and doing something about it. I mean this is what was rooted in me. We don’t have time to cry about spilt milk. Clean it up and keep it moving. So that’s what I was doing but I realized I was surviving, not living. I was leading with control instead of connection, and I was exhausted, you hear meh.

It got to a point where I couldn’t hold on any longer. I ran out of solutions, answers, remedies and I had to finally surrender and let go. It was challenging and it took a whole day of me crying on and off because it was hard for me to come to the realization that the only option I had was to trust the Universe. But when I did I felt and saw a shift. I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt less tension throughout my body and less anxiety. It felt like the calm after a storm. The storm being my inner duality tussling between my old limited beliefs to my unlimited existence. Challenges and situations with my children started to be easier to navigate. I started to see less and less resistance. The energy between my husband and I had become more intimate and lighter. And I finally started to feel in sync with my business and brand. I knew that my message was aligning with my voice effortlessly.

Once I decided that I was no longer holding on to controlling the outcome in my life, I knew I needed tools and practices that were going to guide me into letting go. It’s easy to say it but when you’ve been holding on for the majority of your life it’s now a habit and it has to be broken. I began to do my meditation sessions twice a day. My morning meditation was about affirming my intentions and I would focus on repeating that mantra, while focusing on staying present through breathing and being aware of my body or the sounds around me. I use this to keep me from getting lost in my thoughts and creating a story. My evening meditation was about visualizing the reality I'm creating, the soft life. I started using my The Soft Girl Era - 30-day Journey into your feminine energy workbook to help guide me and keep me accountable through the process. I’m on day 8 at this point. The workbook helped me reflect, acknowledge, and do some shadow work. I did my self-care rituals by lighting my candles, setting intentions, and releasing what no longer serves me or channeling the energy I need to be in my softness.

The moments where I wasn’t stuck in my head when I faced challenges with my children, husband or work felt like I found safety with me, I returned back home to me. I knew how to navigate these challenges by doing what was in my control and what I couldn’t, I allowed myself to fall back but still be present. I didn’t feel anxious and in a rush to fix it or resolve it. I trust the people in my life to ask for help when they need it and manage to solve the problems without me if they don't. 

This isn’t the finish line because this is a daily practice for me. I have to practice slowing down, being intentional and taking it one moment and one day at a time. Everyday isn’t going to be perfect but I trust myself to be able to know how to navigate through the challenges with a level of ease and being able to acknowledge when I’m regressing and not taking my time to be present and intentional.

In my workbook I’m learning that feminine energy isn’t about aesthetics but it’s about being aligned and having balance. I’m learning how to align my home, business, and marriage without feeling burnt out and giving time to pour in and nurture me. Being rooted in my feminine energy allows me to nurture my vision with patience, love, and intention. I don’t have to control it so tight that I strangle the life out of it and lose the purpose and connection of why I’m doing it in the first place. The true essence of balance creates room for connection and control. Being in my feminine energy doesn’t mean I do less, it means I lead differently. With trust. With softness. With soul.

Have you felt this kind of resistance too? Where might your feminine energy be asking to be felt, not forced? How would your life change if you let softness lead?

If this letter spoke to your spirit, I’d love for you to join me inside my healing community, Attract Your Tribe, or explore my 7-Day workbook The Soft Girl Era, a space to reclaim your softness, confidence, and feminine energy.