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ENTRY 2: "I MADE MYSELF SICK"| CONFESSIONS OF A BELLA

I'm stumped as of lately. I don't know where my motivation or inspiration is of late. I started the New Year, well I started a little before the New Year, working on being more intentional about my health. I was making healthier decisions about what I was eating and I also was working out. Only to fall ill and I had to stop but when I got better I slowly moved into doing my yoga and juicing again.


Imagine getting in the groove of something, finding your flow, only to be kicked out of the groove to have to find it all over again. 

I began vlogging and editing my blogs so when I was ready to start uploading and promoting them I'd have enough under my belt. However, here I am again sick and it's usually the same thing…a sinus infection. And I now can see how and why my motivation is trickling away bit by bit. Imagine getting in the groove of something, finding your flow, only to be kicked out of the groove to have to find it all over again. 


I'm exhausted and really tired of myself at this point, but I did a reading on myself and one of those messages was…”Get rooted”. I originally applied this message to mean taking my time and getting to further understand me. And though it still applies, I gained further clarity to understand that I had further work to do within myself.



See, I was under the impression that when I created boundaries and no longer allowed certain people in my life to have the same access to me like they used to; I'd feel free. Well, I did, for a moment until the heaviness came weighing back in. I now realize that my anxiety is getting the best of me and I won't win this battle if I don't start learning how to let go and let it flow.


Which brings me back to a repeated diagnosis of sinusitis. (Sinusitis is when the nasal cavities become inflamed due to bacteria in the mucus.) I became so frustrated that I said to my husband that I just need to escape and take a break away from here because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. However, as I relaxed in a nice bath and examined my emotions, I realized that I couldn't escape my thoughts no matter how far I went. I apologized to my husband for my mood of discontent and explained how I came to the understanding that my chronic sinus infections are most likely a result of my mindset. 


I didn't realize at the time but this was a breakthrough because it led me to look up the correlation with sinusitis and anxiety.

Now, at the time I didn’t know for certain, it was more of my “first mind” or as most call it…my intuition. I didn't realize at the time but this was a breakthrough because it led me to look up the correlation with sinusitis and anxiety. Now if you're not someone who believes that our illness derives from the mind and emotions first and only transitions to a physical form when we haven't taken preventative measures, then this is where you might want to stop reading. Because yes…I'm about to go there. 



The amount of stress we endure is going to eventually impact our physical health. It's a fact that stress can weaken the immune system. Just like stress can cause you to eat out of comfort or don't eat because the stress has affected your appetite. Stress can weaken the immune system causing you to be more susceptible to viruses, infections etc. The mind is powerful and what we think and believe, so it shall be if we don't learn how to control the mind and not allow the mind to control us.


So when I'm worrying or stressing I'm just causing myself anxiety; and that anxiety leads to over working my emotions with the inconsistencies. Over time that anxiety is going to put stress on my body, weakening the system that is meant to prevent illness. Remember, disease is the dis•ease of the body. Meaning my body isn’t in a state of ease but rather a state of discomfort.


How do I let go? How do I let it flow? How do I control the mind and not allow the mind to control me?

I stated before the physical state starts with the mental. So when I can get my mind in a healthier state so shall my body. So that means I have to tap in, which means it's going to be a lot of spiritual healing. So what's the next step from here? How do I let go? How do I let it flow? How do I control the mind and not allow the mind to control me?


1. MOTHERHOOD



I guess I could start by acknowledging that though I am a mother my children come through me and not from me. They don't belong to me. They have their own journey and purpose in life that I'm not privy to and I have to respect that. I can't shape their life the way I see fit more so be a guiding light when they seek it and need it.


2. MARRIAGE



I also have to give who I am to my husband and not who I think I'm supposed to be to him. I have to respect our individuality and not guilt him into believing or seeing things differently than I. I have to start focusing on what we do have in common and build from there. Maybe see our differences from a perspective of learning about myself. 


3. ENTREPRENEURSHIP



Lastly, I have to start or should I say STOP putting expectations on myself concerning the brand I'm creating Bella Minded. I need to slow down, take my time and realize my vision is the end result but not the process. “Rome wasn't built in a day” so why am I trying to build Bella Minded in a day? I need to take my time and start small and keep adding the building blocks as I go along. As long as I secure the foundation and that's focusing on what I put into it. Then allow the chips to fall where they may if that's the way it's supposed to be. 


When it comes to how? I'll just take it step by step by implementing practices in my daily life such as:


Writing down what I need to let go such as:

  • My beliefs and Thoughts that are holding me back

  • Things in my past

  • Areas in my life I hold too tightly

Tools that help control my anxiety

  • Meditation 

  • Yoga

  • Breathe work

Tools that allow flow

  • Free writing journaling

  • Connecting with nature

  • Resting

  • Practice the laws of detachment 


So as my self discovery journey continues the focus for this season is my theme and mantra for 2024 “Let it go and let it flow”. I'm putting it out in the Universe that I will discover so much more about myself and be released from all the mindsets that control me and hold me stagnant. I will level up and grow into an even better version of me. I'm so grateful you all are here to witness this journey and I hope that this inspires whoever's battling the same burdens. Stay tuned for updates in my progression. 


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