Breaking the Cycle: Why Black Women Deserve More Than Sacrifice
- Melissa Renée
- Mar 25
- 6 min read
LET'S START BREAKING THE CYCLE OF WHY BLACK WOMEN DESERVE MORE THAN SACRIFICE
Black women are usually very vocal when it comes to speaking up for the underdog or minorities. From the democratic party, LGBTQ, racial inequalities, police brutality, to women rights, and the list goes. When it comes to taking the frontline black women are there. Black women were frontline and center when it came to their support for Kamala in recent elections, and realized that our white counterparts who were perceived as allies didn’t show up yet again. Remember how they voted Trump in the last time and turned around and had a protest against Trump being in the White House? Okay maybe they didn’t vote for Trump (emphasis on maybe) but they probably didn’t vote for Kamala either.
It was disappointing to say the least, to see black women on social media look defeated and tired. It was to the point where black women were saying “I’m focusing on myself now.” As we should because (in my mind) it’s “about damn time.” Why does it take this long and many disappointments for us to even fathom to focus on ourselves? We’re constantly fighting the battles of others, which is cool because sometimes it affects us to a degree but we can’t fight everyone’s battle. Especially when we neglect ourselves. It’s time that black women put ourselves and our community first.
WHEN BLACK WOMEN DON’T PUT OURSELVES FIRST
I believe it’s a level of what comes natural to us and a level of conditioning that plays a part in putting others' needs before our own needs. We’re told we’re the “backbone” of the black household or family. However we don’t often discuss the effects of being the backbone, the glue, or the frontline. Black women have higher rates of depression and lower rates of actual treatment. Some of these lower rates of treatments are due to income and racial disparities, and others are due to lack of trust in the medical industry due to those racial disparities. Oftentimes as black women we aren’t even aware that we’re depressed or suffering from depression. We’ve come accustomed to dealing with trauma that we think it’s normal and most likely expect it. It’s unfamiliar to us to go through life with ease and no drama, trauma, or struggles. We suffer with the “it’s just too good to be true”, “pray about it”, or “take a nice vacation” complexes. What we don’t realize is that going through this trauma has an effect on us whether we realize it or not.
“Black women in the study with greater depressive symptoms were more likely to report somatic symptoms (e.g. fatigue, insomnia, decreased libido) and self-critical symptoms (e.g. self-hate, self-blame) than stereotypical depression symptoms such as feelings of hopelessness or depressed mood.
NYU College of Nursing researched that “Black women in the study with greater depressive symptoms were more likely to report somatic symptoms (e.g. fatigue, insomnia, decreased libido) and self-critical symptoms (e.g. self-hate, self-blame) than stereotypical depression symptoms such as feelings of hopelessness or depressed mood. They also reported experiencing anhedonia (an inability to experience pleasure) and irritability”. When you’ve been conditioned within your community that you’re not depressed you just need to pray and go to church, you’ll learn how to suppress the stresses and traumas and keep going on with life. Whole time you believe your fatigue comes from lack of sleep, due to insomnia and the insomnia comes from not having enough time in the day. When in actuality we aren’t taking care of our needs or ourselves. It’s frequently discussed by our male partners of the lack of enthusiasm when it comes to enjoying an experience that should be pleasurable. When study shows that depression can show up in black women as the lack of pleasure and enjoyment. However, this is overlooked as a sign or symptom of depression and it’s simply minimalized as black women not wanting to show up for their mates. We’re sacrificing sleep, rest, enjoyment and peace to be there for everyone else but for what?
Is it to end up getting less than what we sacrificed? Being on the frontline fighting for injustice, sacrificing our time, energy, and livelihood to somehow not get replenished with a fulfilling outcome of justice and equality or appreciation and gratitude. That energy can go back into bettering ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually so that we can be whole for our families, household, and our communities. What’s the point of going hard for other disenfranchised when black women are truly the disenfranchised, however, no one cares enough. No one’s marching about how we have three times the maternal mortality rates as our white counterparts. We’re highest when it comes to mental illness. We’re the lowest when it comes to pay and wages. It’s plenty of social issues that concern black women alone that we can put our energy into improving. That in a lot of ways are the results of us putting our issues to the backseat for the better good of everyone else.
All while the biggest beneficiaries of the Diversity Equity and Inclusion program that Target decided to get rid of were 76% white women.
WHY THEY CONTINUE TO ASK US TO SACRIFICE?
When the black community decided to boycott Target despite how that could have impacted brands such as Tabitha Brown, it wasn’t a hesitation that Tabitha had to make the sacrifice for the better good. It didn’t matter what position that put her and other black people who have brands in Target in, it was just expected. So the stresses of her being contractually obligated to Target and what that could do to her if she broke that contract didn’t matter. Who was going to help her if Target decided to sue? What legal outcome would that put her in? All while the biggest beneficiaries of the Diversity Equity and Inclusion program that Target decided to get rid of were 76% white women. Were they asked to boycott by taking their brands off the shelf or breaking contracts with Target? However it didn’t matter because it’s more often than not centered around the black women to start the charge and take the knee.
No one takes a moment to reflect on how our constant sacrifices affect us and how we’re able to navigate going forward. And because we don’t speak up and out about the weight and stress of constantly carrying the load, they continue to put the weight on unless we speak up. Our silence is merely compliance and their justification of constantly taking advantage. And they’ll continue if we don’t make a call to action to tell them that enough is enough.
WHEN BLACK WOMEN DO START PUTTING OURSELVES FIRST
When black women start putting ourselves first we will see a shift in humanity. One being understanding the value of our presence when it’s no longer there to fill the void. Maybe when people see how black women's voices set a tone and precedence it will garner respect rather than the performative measures they mask as gratitude and acknowledgement. Once we start working on bettering ourselves from within it will only project outward into their world like a domino effect. Starting with ourselves vibrating to our sisterhood, then to our families and communities. We’ll no longer wait patiently but eager on the sidelines for those who’ve poured in to pour back into us. We’ll roll up our sleeves, find the solution and start creating the wholeness that we’ve let so many others outside of us pick apart, leaving us with nothing but fragments and crumbs.
We will see change and not just a mirrored facade of our hopes, dreams, and rights being dangled inches away from our grasp. It’ll be a whole transformation of healthy, thriving black women making a difference versus waiting on the difference to happen. And in that moment, the moment where our cups are filled to capacity and the surplus of overflow is running down into rivers, lakes, and oceans; is when and only when we can pass that on to others outside of us. Because at that moment is when we have more than enough to feed the world while still remaining whole and complete.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe black women focus too much on other issues rather than issues that directly affect us? Do you think it’s time to focus on ourselves? What would that look like to you? If you’re interested in continuing this discussion and want to give your thoughts, SIGN UP for our FREE membership with our exclusive online community ATTRACT YOUR TRIBE. This is a sacred space centered around finding and building genuine connections with black women through wellness, personal growth and community. Can’t wait to see you there.
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