BLACK WOMEN & AGING: GOING BACK TO OUR ROOTS WHERE AGING WAS REWARDING

Like the Aaliyah song goes “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. So why as black women don’t we honor that as we age? 

If I could be the wise woman for my younger self I would take the time to not only tell her the precautions and the things to be aware of when coming of age, but I’d also tell her everything to look forward to. I would express to her how rewarding it is to come into your own as you age and really see how much you’ve evolved up to this point. For some reason, over the span of years, we’ve taken on other culture’s limiting beliefs of ageism when it comes to the value of women. These limitations devalue women and put an expiration date on our purpose.

We can detach ourselves from this limiting belief and rid the stigma behind aging as women because was it

really our belief to begin with?

“According to his studies, black people’s attitude towards aging was a reward within itself and was less likely to deny their advancement in aging.”

WHERE DOES AGEISM COME FROM?

Ageism was coined by a psychiatrist by the name Robert Butler between the years of 1969-1971. It was heavily centered around the treatment and discrimination of older people in the workplace. Women being one of the main victims of ageism in the workplace. Later it evolved into interpersonal ageism ( how individuals treat people due to their age) and then internalized ageism (how individuals treat themselves due to their age). Now it’s evolved further than just discrimination due to someone getting older but there’s discrimination on someone who may be young in age. 

However, when it comes to the black community, aging was rewarding among us. I’d say it would be more of discrimination for an individual being younger than older because aging was a sign of experience, knowledge and wisdom. The elders hold much stalk in our communities, culture, and families, and I can also say that comes as a gift, as well as a curse. Even though with age you gain a level of experience and knowledge it doesn’t mean you still don’t have room to grow and learn.

In a 1971 article written by Dr. Floyd M. Wylie, he compares, per his research, the difference between how the black culture or community view growing older to how our white counterparts view growing older. He also compared how the white community regarded their older generation versus how the black community regarded our elders. “According to his studies, black people’s attitude towards aging was a reward within itself and was less likely to deny their advancement in aging.”

As black people we generally, well at least in the late 60’s and early 70’s, accepted the advancing age and looked forward to the rewards that came with aging. Like I previously stated, aging in a black community sets you at a higher prestige. It meant you had the wisdom, and the know how. For the young men in the community the older guy is the OG or Unc.

 As older women we should be embracing, guiding, and supporting them. If we grow into secure self-loving women, a younger woman entering the room should never pose a threat.

WHERE DID THE STIGMAS OF BLACK WOMEN AGING COME FROM?

On the other hand, I can’t say the same for the black women in our culture or community. The sentiments of older women are prudish, uptight, and nosey. For some of the younger women they can feel a bit guarded with older black women because they feel they’re being judged and put in their place. Some younger black women feel like they have to compete with older black women because older women aren’t accepting of their age, therefore aren’t accepting to moving on from the past.

I can agree that some of this is true because I can remember being young and out with my best friend at the time. We went to a night lounge and when we entered we realized that we were the youngest women in the spot. Of course we didn’t stay long and immediately were looking for the closest exit. However, the eyes like daggers from the older women were looking as if they were stabbing us repeatedly was unwarranted. We came with our own dates, so we weren’t trying to impose and solicit a sugar daddy.

 As older women we should be embracing, guiding, and supporting them. If we grow into secure self-loving women, a younger woman entering the room should never pose a threat.

Consequently, due to us detaching from our roots we can’t remember the times when our elders held a mystic and knowledge that we sat by with thirst just wanting to get a little bit of what she had. It was the way she could relate to us because she’d already been through most, if not all, of what we had yet to encounter. It’s the fact that she knew the finesse and gifts of divine femininity and still was able to pull from it. She could get the vulnerability from the young men and sustain the respect and admiration of her peers.

So what happened? Somewhere I believe we took on the conditioning of our white counterparts. We started to view aging the way they did due to the social engineering of the American beauty standards. It’s my belief that as white women are known to visually age quicker than black women, to some degree I understand why they'd devalue aging. They value image as a key component to self worth. 

We began to consume the conditioning of our relationship of food, self worth, love and so much more all due to capitalism. And that’s where we stopped seeing the value of aging as black women. We put less effort into taking care of our health and more effort into using food as a way to find temporary comfort in a society that doesn’t see us. We put less effort into the wealth of our mental, emotional, and spiritual wealth. And as a result we aren’t mentally, physically, and emotionally where we want to be as we age. 

We still fly, still cool, and still relevant because we carry the torch to pass it down for the next generation.

REDEFINING AGE AS BLACK WOMEN BY GOING BACK TO OUR ROOTS

When you don’t take the time to fill yourself and become whole then you will be a black woman who isn’t proud and grateful for aging. You won’t take being called Auntie as homage, and yes, you will still want to see yourself as a threat or competitive force among younger black women.  

On the contrary, aging can be honoring and enlightening when we go back to our roots. We were the pillars of the community, the storytellers, the healers, and the women we looked up to, we were inspired to model ourselves after. I look at so many beautiful older black women who are aging gracefully giving me and other women something to look forward to. Women like Tennille Jenkins, @Shantaqtv, and @ubuibme and so many more just to name a few.

It’s time to celebrate getting older because what a blessing it is to see another day of living a life fulfilled. Let’s celebrate through detaching a stigma we fed into. Let’s celebrate by taking care of ourselves and becoming that staple for young women to confide in and look up to. We can redefine aging by showing others how aging ain’t neva' stopped no black woman. We still fly, still cool, and still relevant because we carry the torch to pass it down for the next generation.

If you need help on redefining who you are as black woman coming of age, you can start by joining my community. This is your home away from home to connect, support, and grow with other like minded black women. Sign up to be a member to Attract Your Tribe at www.bellaminded.com/community

Peace & Blessings