Self-Care Ritual: Burn & Release : Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs About Aging as A Black Woman
- Melissa Renée
- May 5
- 4 min read
It's the year 2025 and I’m now 41 years old. As I sipped on my steamy peppermint lemon zest tea and lit my Sunbathe candle, I thought, I never took a moment to reflect on what it meant or how it felt to be 41. The hustle and bustle of life challenges hasn’t allowed me to simply be, but now, here I am, being.
Finding peace in the thought that maybe I hadn’t reflected because I was right where I needed to be, which is enjoying this evolution of aging. Becoming wiser, finer.. thicker. The solitude in loving who I am regardless of age, looks, or success. The confidence in my contentment I realize I’m embodying my favorite novel character. Janie Crawford. A lively, free spirit of beauty making my own choices, creating my own reality, and redefining what society sees as an easy target to take advantage of or simply deem as useless, devalued.
Start with intention:
“There are stories we’ve been told, roles we’ve been assigned, and beliefs we’ve internalized. But today, you get to rewrite the script. This ritual is for the woman ready to let go of what no longer feels like self-worth, value, and love.”
What Influenced Your Ideas or Limiting Beliefs About Aging as A Black Woman?
Truth is I’ve looked forward to becoming the Ms. Parker’s of the world. Like was Craig’s mother disgusted with Ms. Parker's inappropriate attire or was it more of her age wearing such attire? What she couldn’t deny is that Ms. Parker had all the guys, young and old, sinner or saint, at awww. Being young, I wanted to be the older woman who looked good and had the women hating and the men anticipating.
However, I came across this book at 15 years old by Zora Neal Hurston called Their Eyes Were Watching God and I fell in love with a whole new aspect of being an older black woman. It was deeper than just the validation of being seen just as beautiful as the younger women. Now, it was another layer. Whereas I want to look beautiful, I want to feel beautiful through freedom of choice, expression, confidence and living. Mrs. Janie Crawford didn’t allow her grandmother, Mr. Killicks, Mayor Starks, or the residents of Eatonville, Fla define her.
Like Janie Crawford I questioned why she couldn’t be single once her spouse passed? Why couldn’t she dress the way she did because she was 40? Why couldn’t she flirt back with a young handsome suitor that admired her beauty and free spirit nature? She didn’t care about the townspeople talking about her and she certainly didn’t feel confined to the limiting beliefs of what they thought an older widower should be living her life. That’s me, that’s who I want to be and see myself as an older woman. Limitless with worth.
🕯️ What You’ll Need For Your Self-Care Ritual Burn & Release
I love to light my candle Sunbathe when I want to connect with my inner glow and self-love. Here’s a short affirmation you can repeat if you haven’t created your own:
“I am worthy. My age doesn’t define my worth or value. I’m growing wiser as I grow older. As I age I feel more beautiful and confident. I’m grateful that The Most High (substitute with God, Universe etc) has allowed me to keep aging. I am mentally, physically and spiritually well.
Sunbathe Candle — for inner glow + self-love (cardamom, vanilla, jasmine – a blend that stirs warmth, love, and confidence)
A journal or paper + pen
A fire-safe bowl or dish
Lighter or matches
Glass of water or mug of calming tea
Optional: calendula or dried herbs for symbolism ( Our candles provide dried herbs and flowers with crystal bits)
Peaceful background music or instrumental playlist
✍🏽 The Self Care Ritual Steps
Step 1: Cleanse + Create Sacred Space
Light your Sunbathe candle.
Take 3 slow, deep breaths.
Say aloud or to yourself: “Any of the following affirmations or your own.”
Step 2: Name the Weight
In your journal or on paper, write a list of beliefs, habits, or thoughts you are ready to release. Examples:
“I am not worthy.”
“I’m getting too old to ____________.”
“It’s too late for me to __________.”
“I’ve wasted the good years of my life .”
“I haven’t accomplished the goals or things I want in life.”
Optional: Write each one on a separate strip of paper for a more symbolic burn.
Step 3: Affirm the Truth
Underneath each belief, write a new truth:
“I am more than worthy.”
“I’m never too old to live my dreams.”
“Everything happens right on time for me.”
“I’m loving everything about life.”
“Success is already within me.”
Read them aloud with your hand on your heart or womb.
Step 4: Burn + Release
Safely place each paper into your fire-safe bowl and light it one by one.
As each one burns, say: “I release this belief with love. I reclaim my truth.”
Take your time. Watch the smoke rise. Feel the weight lift.
Step 5: Ground + Restore
Sip your tea or water.
Gently close the ritual by journaling:
“How do I feel now that I’ve let this go?”
“What am I calling in to replace what I’ve released?”
🌻 Closing Reflection
“Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting—it means choosing freedom. Every time you release, you make space for confidence, love, and peace to grow. Keep returning to you.”
💫 Optional Enhancements
End with a soothing bath or body oil massage.
Add crystals like obsidian (for release), rose quartz (for love), or tiger’s eye (for confidence).
Play soft affirmations in the background.
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